The Shadow of Mommy

As much as I love my kids so dearly.
As much as I love my husband so much.
As much as I crumble when people yell at me. Or even say one mean word.
I have found myself doing it.

The noise level in our house has been higher than normal. Or at least it seemed to me. I found myself asking why. Why are the kids so loud? Why are they yelling? Why are they having an attitude with me and each other?

And as hard as it is to swallow, the answer, at least in part, is me. See - that’s the cool thing about parenting. Your kids teach you a lot. They are soaking up what you are doing. They are like little copy cats. And this time - what they’re copying doesn’t make me proud at all.

They’re copying my yelling. They’re copying how I deal with stress, frustration, being overwhelmed.

When this truth hit me like a hard stone, I won’t lie, it hurt. But I know I’m not the only one. Being a mom or dad is hard. Beyond hard sometimes. And if you’ve found yourself yelling or losing it when overwhelmed, I get you mama (or daddy). I know you feel guilty. I know you regret it. I know you love your kids. I know you are doing your best.

None of us is perfect. But we have an amazing God and Father who is! Because He loves us so much, we are forgiven. You are forgiven. I am forgiven.

Each day is a new day. And I’m on a journey to be a more patient, peaceful mom. I’m cutting down on multi-tasking so I don’t get overwhelmed so easily. I’m getting down at eye-level and treasuring their little faces and emotions instead of being impatient. I’m making my own self-care a priority so I’m not empty with little to give when much is needed. I’m apologizing, asking for forgiveness.

It’s a journey for sure. Good days, bad moments. Trying again. But as I’ve started hearing my daughter speak to her brother in the kind loving way I’ve been using with her, it brings tears to my eyes and fills my heart with SO MUCH joy!

The journey is hard, but so rewarding, isn’t it? We’re in this together friend!